I haven’t posted something in two months. So I’m posting this. Again.
My motherfucking favourite picture of all fucking time.
I can’t get over how much I love this video. This really does represent Vancouver.
GODDAMN! I love my city!
YAY!
After three years, two parole hearings, half a bagel, and a month where I REALLY thought I wanted to learn Croatian, I did it! My friend Aaron Putnam and I combined forces and have created one of the best new comedy shows in town.
We got one of the best venues in New York City (The Bowery Poetry Club), an epic line-up for our first show, and have some surprises in the works that will blow your mind-gourds!
So the reason Im writing this is because I’m asking you all for a favor (not wood-chipper, big but still)… If you read my blog, follow my comedy, or just generally think I’m a nice dude, here’s how you can help: the week before the show (on Sunday June 6th) help me promote the shit out it.
I want to pack it to capacity, so I can put on a kickass show, and just keep doing it.You can help me get closer to my dreams of doing comedy for a living. Ill have a promo video and fliers to be posted and RT’d.
You’re all beautiful Rockstars.
(FYI: If you reblog this post I will bludgeon a Bieber, Jonas, or Gaga of your choice)
This morning, I got this message from some random douche on Facebook named Nelson Michellson. He made it so I can’t reply to this message, or see anything on his profile. So basically this was sent to me out of nowhere. I know, I know “just ignore those people.” But I was fucking pissed and sometimes you just need to tear douchebags apart. So here is the message and my response (that I didn’t get to send because he’s a coward.)
Him:
“Hi you seen to be a nice girl. However my only input is that that profile picture you are using is extremely.. well how to do I put it in a nice way..?
Unflattering.
Like I have stated previously, you seen to be a nice girl. Why are you trying to portray a skany, porn star look? I suggest you ease down the makeup or actually learn how to apply it. You look strickingly similar to a man.
That is all.”
Me:
“Ok a) who the fuck are you? b) I’m a fucking model douchebag, its my job to wear makeup and pose and make silly faces occasionally. I have had no one else say I look like a porn star or a man. You don’t seem to be a nice person at all considering I don’t know you you fucking cock sucker. For god sakes! You don’t even KNOW me. You can’t even have an opinion on who I am or what I’m like.
Normally I ignore pathetic pricks like you but you’re in luck! I’m in a shitty mood and feel like tearing you a new one.
Why the fuck are you messaging random chicks saying bullshit about their pictures on facebook? Do you have a life? Do you ever leave your parents basement where you sit and play World of Warcraft all day and look at porn because that’s the only thing you can use to get off, because no real woman will show you her vagina? I bet you do. I’m really sorry you can’t get laid you piece of shit. But stop picking on random girls you don’t know. Why would you feel the need to tell me that? I don’t know you. Its random. And you know that saying: “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it all.” Applies here. You have no need to say it. You’re not my agent, you’re not a photo critic. You’re just some random cockfuck with a tiny dick.
FYI that profile picture has actually gotten me modeling jobs. And no I don’t mean porn, I mean legitimate modeling jobs.
Oh, and I’m sooooo sorry if I ruined my supposed “nice girl” image of me, for you. But really. I know you messaged me that to get a rise out me because that’s what pathetic, lonely, sad excuses for human beings do. Congrats!! You got your rise! But just remember when you’re old and your wife has left you, and your children hate you (that’s if you even ever have those things) I’ll be off having a life. And yes, I am nice. But not to fucking pieces of shit like you.
So you’re lucky you even got a response from me. Maybe stop being such a complete fuckhead and you’ll actually get your dick sucked!
xo,
H.”
I was pissed… obviously.
P.S. I’m not normally like that. Fucker caught me at a bad time.
Alright, here’s the dealio for those of you who care. I have decided to start a “vlog”. Its partially because I was bored and procrastinating as you’ll see in my first post, and partially because I feel like it could be fun times!
So check it out!
http://hrclightbright.blogspot.com/
Watch my videos, give me feedback. SUGGESTIONS! I’d love suggestions for topics if you’d like to give any. This will be fun for the whole family.
So follow my vlog if you want to. I’m pretty redic at times, so it could end up being pretty entertaining for you whilst being embarrassing for me. Always a fun combo!
Thanks lovely people!
xo,
H.